Zombies are Coming

I originally wanted this to be the title of my blog. I had it all planned out. There was nothing I could write about that I couldn’t somehow link back to the fact that we are due for a zombie apocalypse. School stuff? I need to drop out because zombies are coming. Recipes? You know the person who can make anything taste good will be valuable once the apocalypse hits. Artwork? We all need some culture in our lives before we’re running for them. Should I rename my blog?

Anyway, let’s get serious here for a moment: Almost anyone in our generation has this  little thought (/wish) in the back of their minds that tells them zombies are coming. And that fascinates me. I honestly think there’s something to it. Why do we secretly want this to happen? Let’s explore…

1. The environment. We’re pretty much destroying it. Stuff will survive, but we will not. Unless some changes are made.

2. Politics. In the US, but all over the world to. Congress is a bunch of babies, on both sides. Political campaigns are centered around sticking it to the other side instead of addressing actual issues, and don’t get me started on all the issues.

3. My favorite soapbox: We’re disinfecting too much. Lysol must be trying to kill us. The truth is, being exposed to the scary stuff builds immunities. You know the .01% that isn’t being killed? That’s the strongest stuff. And now all it has to breed with is the other .01% from across the street, resulting in even stronger, more resistant stuff. Everyone’s so worried about the next big disease, which is ironic because we’re being extremely helpful in its production.

4. The economy. That is all.

So that’s the basics of my social theory, but really I think it all comes down to the innate fear of disease, and we’re due for an outbreak of something nasty. Remember how everyone flipped over swine flu? Yeah, that’s why. Researchers are actually running scenarios of a zombie outbreak – how it would function, spread, etc. and the general idea is that it will be a disease that affects the brain somehow. The research is helping with the studies of actual problems, which is awesome. I may look for some sources later to back myself up, but just do a search for this stuff and I’m sure you’ll find it.

What I can back up is that the CDC posted an actual survival guide for the zombie apocalypse that got so many hits they had to shut down the website temporarily when it was first released. It was the smartest thing the CDC has ever done, in my opinion. Will there be a zombie outbreak? Probably not. But people read the article anyway, and now they have basic survival knowledge for an actual disaster. Fooled you, America!

So there’s all the stuff you didn’t care about, now on to the fun part: My plan.

I actually have several, which I think is a good thing. My favorite is joining up with my friends and becoming nomads/gypsies. The zombies can’t corner us if we’re mobile. I’ve got scenarios for staying in Boone, staying in the mountains, and even going to the coast to become pirates (can zombies swim?) A few people have said they’d come get me and let me join their group. I think it’s because I can cook. Better start practicing those recipes, folks.

11 thoughts on “Zombies are Coming

  1. Jill says:

    Nice post. One additional thing is industrial meat producers’ habit of grinding up dead animals and other waste products to put in animal feed, sometimes even animals of the same species.This can pass on diseases like Mad Cow (speaking of brain-related buggies).

    At risk of being a Grammar Nazi, but you also pinged one of my big peeves:

    “…we’re being extremely helpful in it’s production.”

    The possessive its has no apostrophe.


  2. mrnickhavoc says:

    The desease will spread within 48 hours all over the States. Nothing – CDC, government, military – is structured good enough to react on this instantly.
    That you think you are save by moving around is naiv. There will be to many Z’s all around to be save anywhere on ground. Save zones are maybe are a solution, but they could be outnumbered easily by the amount of Z’s. And Zombies cannot swim, but they can walk the water. So being on the ocean or a lake is not a safe solution. You cannot be sure what is beyond your boat. And think about what will happen when infection comes on your boat – where will you go?
    I, for my part, do not plan to survive. But I want to take as much of this suckers than possible with me. I want 100 Zombie-scalps, and I demand my 100 scalps (as Brad Pitt said in Inglorious Basterds)

    • Mary says:

      It really depends on the scenario – what type of zombies we’re up against, how the infection spreads, if anyone is immune, etc. Zombie survival plans make a lot of assumptions.

      If we’re talking about a disease, then yes it would probably spread very quickly, but most survival scenarios are assuming that at least some portion of the human population will be immune. Getting away from any large population base is essential in this case- think black plague. In this case, getting on a boat and staying with a group you know isn’t infected and staying as far away from others for as long as possible is probably a good idea, assuming you can survive. I don’t know anyone who can walk on water, and if it’s a disease that requires the human organism to survive for it to flourish, then I doubt the disease would cause the infected person to risk drowning himself. It’s not ideal, but nothing is. At the end of the day it depends on a lot of things, which is why piracy is only one of my options.

  3. HaRo says:

    Heavy metal zombies, the iron maiden style of course. From hell and with lots of weapons. You shoot them, you boom their heads, they just laugh and get back on their feet after puzzling themselves back together. And they won’t eat your brains, they just shot you or blow you up with old world war 2 style weapons. And your comrades who fall fighting end up undead too to join the raging hordes of the dammned. in the end, they’ll roast the world with giant nukes just for the glory of big explosions and the possibility of a few cool metal mutants. Who then, a few centuries later, will overrun the Zombies of course but they won’t mind when it’s a glorious battle.
    That is, unless the mutants preferred hip hop.
    Because then they had to die horribly.

  4. ashley says:

    I think that, given our group of friends and our collective knowledge, survival would be pretty likely. we are a pretty diverse and smart group. i vote that our first move is to find horses to ride. cars are dangerous because you can be trapped, but horses are quick and agile, and don’t require roads.

  5. Walter says:

    Zomg(zombies + omg)! A zombie post! Love it! While it seems like poor workmanship and all…my bricks and vertical wind power generators seems crappy, everyone will want them when the Zombiepocalypse happens.

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